“IF YOU’RE ABSENT DURING MY STRUGGLE, DON’T EXPECT TO BE PRESENT DURING MY SUCCESS.
~ WILL SMITH
In this journey called life, you are sure to encounter countless people and there is just not enough time to please everyone.
I know, I know, you want to be liked by everyone and would also like to help everyone. Unfortunately, there is not enough time to do so.
I want to help everyone and be liked by everyone, though I do not have enough time.
It is undeniable that time is your most precious resource. There is simply no way to make up lost time. So you must spend your time wisely.
Have you ever invested your time in a relationship with a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, or even a family member and later found out that it was a waste?
YOU CAN’T MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME. YOU CAN ONLY DO BETTER IN THE FUTURE.
~ ASHLEY ORMON
The truth is that even though you may not like it, you have to determine who is worth your time and who isn’t. Assessing someone can be time-consuming in itself, so I have devised a list of signs to look for to make the process easier.
THEY ONLY CALL YOU WHEN THEY NEED SOMETHING
This is probably the most common and the easiest trait to identify in someone’s character.
There are those that will not call you because they are busy, but eventually they do call and not because they need something. They may call you just to see how you’re doing and just to talk. These individuals are an exception of course.
Though have you ever met someone who only calls you when they need a favor? Check out some examples:
“Hey, can you go take pictures of this house I have?”
“Hey, can you pick up milk, and since you’re out that way, could you also stop by and grab a bag of potting soil from The Home Depot?”
You might look at your text history between this person and notice a pattern. A pattern clearly showing this individual only reaching out when they need something from you.
They may not even show appreciation after you’ve done them various favors.
This is a certain sign of a moocher. Such a person has no intention of keeping any sort of relationship with you aside from when they need a favor from you.
In this case, you have to take a stand and respectfully decline. You may find yourself putting off things that you want to do to this favor and that’s a big mistake that will not pay off!
It’s important to know when to draw the line.
THEY KNOW JUST WHEN TO CALL
This one is tricky and hard to notice.
Ever have someone always call you when you’re winding down at the end of your day?
Maybe you like to relax and unwind with a glass of wine at the end of a long day. You’re happy and comfortable and this is when that call always comes in.
This is no coincidence. The individual calling knows just when to call you because he/she knows that you will be in a good mood and more likely to say yes to their request!
I once knew a person who knew that at the end of my day, I like to take a relaxing bath and then stretch and meditate right after. I am always in a better mood after my routine.
This individual would always call me right after I had finished my routine and ask me for favors. Of course I would always say yes.
For the longest time, I didn’t notice it. It wasn’t until I had seen him do it to another person that I had realized I had been a victim of it!
Taking note and keeping in mind when someone calls will help you in determining if an individual is exploiting your good nature.
THEY ARE ALWAYS BUSY OR MAKE EXCUSES WHEN YOU NEED THEIR HELP
This one is also easy to spot and notice.
The reality is that you can’t go around helping others without needing help from others yourself at times.
It’s only natural that you might ask those that you’ve helped in the past for a little help when you’re in need of a lending hand.
You might think Joe seems like a cool guy and since I’ve helped him out countless times before, perhaps he might be inclined to help me move some furniture.
Though when you call Joe you get some excuse like
“Sorry, I recently hurt my back or I would.”
“I have a soccer game or else I would.”
Once or twice is believable, but if there is a pattern of excuses each time you ask Joe for help, you can bet that Joe isn’t your friend Joe. Joe is a moocher!
THEY DISAPPEAR WHEN WORK COMES UP
This too is an easy one to spot and notice.
I see this all the time and it’s so funny how people do it as if they are being so slick! It’s so obvious when someone disappears when work comes up!
Maybe your so-called friend is over and you’re both sitting down watching TV. Suddenly your mom calls and she needs help moving furniture. Your mom lives just a few miles away and your friend could easily lend a helping hand.
Then it comes.
“Oh, look at the time! I actually have to get going. I got some work to do at home.”
“Well, I should probably be getting back to my wife and kids. I told them I would only stop by for a bit.”
Spot this and you can be sure that it is not your friend that you were sitting down and watching TV with. You were the victim of a moocher that was waiting for the right time to lay on you what he had in mind of how you’d be useful to him. Could they be legit? Sure. Of course. Though what you want to be looking for are patterns.
YOU BEGIN TO QUESTION THEIR ADVICE
Let me tell you about a little experience I had and the valuable lesson I learned from it.
I once had a person in my life whom I trusted and often did not question. I had known this individual since childhood and because of this, I trusted him and often valued his advice on many things in life.
A few years after graduating college, I had saved up enough money to completely pay off my student loans that I had piled up during my college days.
I had carefully and thoroughly assessed my circumstance and financial situation in making the decision to completely pay off my student loans in a single payment. It was the only debt I had and I wanted it gone — especially after calculating how much in interest I would have paid if I had continued to make minimum payments.
This individual that I trusted, I had bounced the idea of paying off my student loan off of him. I like to think that at times we often don’t see all the angles and always find it helpful to get a second opinion on decisions.
This individual told me it was a bad idea to pay off my student loans. I should instead continue to make minimum payments. This didn’t make sense to me at the time and disregarding his advice, I went ahead and paid my student loans off and became debt free.
Sometime later, I heard from a mutual friend of ours that this individual had come to him asking to borrow money so that he could fund his real estate venture.
That’s when it clicked for me. The “AHA!” moment if you will.
I had then connected the dots and was truly disappointed. The advice he gave me served his ulterior motive at the cost of my paying almost the double amount of money on the initial principal of the loan.
Needless to say that I had then cut this individual out of my life. He did not add value to my life and actually would have continued to hinder my progress.
The lesson I learned is that no matter where it comes from, consider the advice but think for myself. Do my due diligence.
It’s important that you are aware and observant of the behaviors of those that are in your life. If you are not, you could be taken advantage of and exploited. Not everyone that walks into your life will have your best interest in mind.
